Well..I'm here...in India...again...for the third time...same goal...same old eggs...everything is the same...yet different....Although it is nice to be back in India...I'm tired...This last trip has been a very emotional journey for me...I'm grieving the biological children I may never have....the one that almost was....and those that I wish had been....I'm missing my family, my home and longing for my future...this has been a most exhausting journey both physically and financially but most importantly emotionally....this will be my third egg retrieval in a year...the physical component...not such a big deal...but the emotional....well....
Don't get me wrong..I love India.....I think I just need a little less reality and a little more positivity.....where is Pollyanna when I need her?? My cup is always half-full but this week it's been half-empty...and I don't like that...I don't want to be that person...I want to be full of energy and hope and dreams...not bitterness, fear and anger....
Anyway....things are going to be different this time...one way or another...we will have a baby...I just have to pick myself up, dust myself off and keep the faith.....because when we set our goals, we achieve them......maybe not in the way we originally planned...but we do get there...although sometimes we may take the long, confusing, difficult path...the end result is what matters...
On a positive note, I have 2 more af than last time..my labwork looks good...I'm still taking tons of vitamins and supplements a day....I will get some more lab in 2 days and my next ultrasound in 3 days...
Another positive note, I met some very nice people tonight with lots of adorable babies! They give me hope and inspiration....due to their perserverance and not giving up...they are going home soon with their babies....and we will too...you just wait and see....
Looking forward to my day tomorrow...going to go with Bernadette tomorrow to see Hayden and "learn more about the town", lol....
Although stressful and expensive...this journey has also been rewarding and made me appreciate my family more....it also has introduced me to so many different people in many different walks of life and different cultures....it has made me realize....people are the same everywhere...we all have the same struggles, same fears....same issues....and to get through this, we all need to lean on each other.....whether 8000 miles away, several tax brackets apart or right down the street....infertility can affect anyone at anytime....and just because you might think somebody is so lucky or somebody has it all...don't bet on it...everybody has their demons...they just don't all choose to announce them...i think that's why keeping a blog is important....although Ive entertained the thought of making mine private...I just don't feel that is the right thing to do at this time...(of course, after a week of high dose hormones, I can't be responsible for what I say or do, lol) Anyway, once I get over my jet lag I promise I will try to be a little more chipper...pray for us, and keep the faith....everythings going to be all right....
Don't get me wrong..I love India.....I think I just need a little less reality and a little more positivity.....where is Pollyanna when I need her?? My cup is always half-full but this week it's been half-empty...and I don't like that...I don't want to be that person...I want to be full of energy and hope and dreams...not bitterness, fear and anger....
Anyway....things are going to be different this time...one way or another...we will have a baby...I just have to pick myself up, dust myself off and keep the faith.....because when we set our goals, we achieve them......maybe not in the way we originally planned...but we do get there...although sometimes we may take the long, confusing, difficult path...the end result is what matters...
On a positive note, I have 2 more af than last time..my labwork looks good...I'm still taking tons of vitamins and supplements a day....I will get some more lab in 2 days and my next ultrasound in 3 days...
Another positive note, I met some very nice people tonight with lots of adorable babies! They give me hope and inspiration....due to their perserverance and not giving up...they are going home soon with their babies....and we will too...you just wait and see....
Looking forward to my day tomorrow...going to go with Bernadette tomorrow to see Hayden and "learn more about the town", lol....
Although stressful and expensive...this journey has also been rewarding and made me appreciate my family more....it also has introduced me to so many different people in many different walks of life and different cultures....it has made me realize....people are the same everywhere...we all have the same struggles, same fears....same issues....and to get through this, we all need to lean on each other.....whether 8000 miles away, several tax brackets apart or right down the street....infertility can affect anyone at anytime....and just because you might think somebody is so lucky or somebody has it all...don't bet on it...everybody has their demons...they just don't all choose to announce them...i think that's why keeping a blog is important....although Ive entertained the thought of making mine private...I just don't feel that is the right thing to do at this time...(of course, after a week of high dose hormones, I can't be responsible for what I say or do, lol) Anyway, once I get over my jet lag I promise I will try to be a little more chipper...pray for us, and keep the faith....everythings going to be all right....
