Well..I'm here...in India...again...for the third time...same goal...same old eggs...everything is the same...yet different....Although it is nice to be back in India...I'm tired...This last trip has been a very emotional journey for me...I'm grieving the biological children I may never have....the one that almost was....and those that I wish had been....I'm missing my family, my home and longing for my future...this has been a most exhausting journey both physically and financially but most importantly emotionally....this will be my third egg retrieval in a year...the physical component...not such a big deal...but the emotional....well....
Don't get me wrong..I love India.....I think I just need a little less reality and a little more positivity.....where is Pollyanna when I need her?? My cup is always half-full but this week it's been half-empty...and I don't like that...I don't want to be that person...I want to be full of energy and hope and dreams...not bitterness, fear and anger....
Anyway....things are going to be different this time...one way or another...we will have a baby...I just have to pick myself up, dust myself off and keep the faith.....because when we set our goals, we achieve them......maybe not in the way we originally planned...but we do get there...although sometimes we may take the long, confusing, difficult path...the end result is what matters...
On a positive note, I have 2 more af than last time..my labwork looks good...I'm still taking tons of vitamins and supplements a day....I will get some more lab in 2 days and my next ultrasound in 3 days...
Another positive note, I met some very nice people tonight with lots of adorable babies! They give me hope and inspiration....due to their perserverance and not giving up...they are going home soon with their babies....and we will too...you just wait and see....
Looking forward to my day tomorrow...going to go with Bernadette tomorrow to see Hayden and "learn more about the town", lol....
Although stressful and expensive...this journey has also been rewarding and made me appreciate my family more....it also has introduced me to so many different people in many different walks of life and different cultures....it has made me realize....people are the same everywhere...we all have the same struggles, same fears....same issues....and to get through this, we all need to lean on each other.....whether 8000 miles away, several tax brackets apart or right down the street....infertility can affect anyone at anytime....and just because you might think somebody is so lucky or somebody has it all...don't bet on it...everybody has their demons...they just don't all choose to announce them...i think that's why keeping a blog is important....although Ive entertained the thought of making mine private...I just don't feel that is the right thing to do at this time...(of course, after a week of high dose hormones, I can't be responsible for what I say or do, lol) Anyway, once I get over my jet lag I promise I will try to be a little more chipper...pray for us, and keep the faith....everythings going to be all right....
Don't get me wrong..I love India.....I think I just need a little less reality and a little more positivity.....where is Pollyanna when I need her?? My cup is always half-full but this week it's been half-empty...and I don't like that...I don't want to be that person...I want to be full of energy and hope and dreams...not bitterness, fear and anger....
Anyway....things are going to be different this time...one way or another...we will have a baby...I just have to pick myself up, dust myself off and keep the faith.....because when we set our goals, we achieve them......maybe not in the way we originally planned...but we do get there...although sometimes we may take the long, confusing, difficult path...the end result is what matters...
On a positive note, I have 2 more af than last time..my labwork looks good...I'm still taking tons of vitamins and supplements a day....I will get some more lab in 2 days and my next ultrasound in 3 days...
Another positive note, I met some very nice people tonight with lots of adorable babies! They give me hope and inspiration....due to their perserverance and not giving up...they are going home soon with their babies....and we will too...you just wait and see....
Looking forward to my day tomorrow...going to go with Bernadette tomorrow to see Hayden and "learn more about the town", lol....
Although stressful and expensive...this journey has also been rewarding and made me appreciate my family more....it also has introduced me to so many different people in many different walks of life and different cultures....it has made me realize....people are the same everywhere...we all have the same struggles, same fears....same issues....and to get through this, we all need to lean on each other.....whether 8000 miles away, several tax brackets apart or right down the street....infertility can affect anyone at anytime....and just because you might think somebody is so lucky or somebody has it all...don't bet on it...everybody has their demons...they just don't all choose to announce them...i think that's why keeping a blog is important....although Ive entertained the thought of making mine private...I just don't feel that is the right thing to do at this time...(of course, after a week of high dose hormones, I can't be responsible for what I say or do, lol) Anyway, once I get over my jet lag I promise I will try to be a little more chipper...pray for us, and keep the faith....everythings going to be all right....
I totally agree with everything you said. Glad you're getting to hang out with Bernadette - she is such an inspirational mom. Best of luck over there!
ReplyDeleteHope and Faith will muster their way into your glass half full soon. Wishing you all the baby dust ever to have a positive result. Perseverance pays out it just comes in different ways for us all. x
ReplyDeleteAll the very best and wishing you a successful outcome.
ReplyDeleteI was just thinking about you and wondering when your next trip would be. Best of luck to you on this cycle!! Lots of positive vibes heading your way!
ReplyDeleteWishing you the very best for your cycle, sending you lots of baby dust!
ReplyDeleteso excited for you! enjoy this experience and most of all relax. Keep the faith, we're all right behind you and wishing you the absolute best of luck :)
ReplyDeleteKeeping strong is a hard thing to do. Sounds like you are doing your best!! I hope and pray you get lots of yummy follicles and of course a positive beta!
ReplyDeleteDear Rene, please keep the faith and stay positive with that mid frame of 'this is the time'am sorry am just seeing this. i have NOT had any time due to the baby and exit processing. am in svelte, room 704 anytime please or let me know your room.lots and lots of positive vibes your way.x
ReplyDeleteHugs of strength and tons of babydust!
ReplyDeleteHave evrything crossed for you!! have agreat day with bernadette!! x
ReplyDeleteI hope and pray this is your turn and one sticks around. I agree that everyone has their demons, and its ok to feel super run down by it all sometimes. Hope you had fun with Bernadette. Hope and pray your cycle goes well, sending lots of strength your way x
ReplyDeleteThanks guys for the positive vibes!! I certainly welcome them!! It has certainly been a more emotional journey this time for some reason...Your comments and support help more than you know!!
ReplyDeleteHugs!
ReplyDelete