Well...another big fat negative...just throw that into the pile with all of the rest....you got it...out of 5 embryos thawed...4 survived for transfer...but still...a negative...have you ever stopped and added up all of the embryos?? Geez...10 total from me...have used 9 from donor...what as the layperson non infertility person sees as 19 babies in reality equals one miscarriage...one ongoing singleton pregnancy that has yet to reach the 2nd trimester and several big fat negatives along the way...plus a whole lot of heartache and money..(not to mention 20 extra pounds!!) but, we just keep on keeping on...that's all we can do...I think about Bernadette...of everything she has went through...of everything she is going through...how does she do it? How does she stay strong?? How does she keep the faith? She like the rest of us do it because that's what we all have to do to reach our goal; we have no other choice unless it is to remain childless...no, we can't get drunk and knocked up in the back seat of a car like the majority of unwed teenage mothers in our state...but, you know, just in case, maybe we should give it a whirl, who knows? Miracles still happen, right? Seriously, we do this because it's the hand we've been dealt and we will do whatever it takes to achieve our goal...no matter how expensive, no matter how much it drains us emotionally..no matter the toil it takes on our everyday lives and the rest of our family dynamics...we just keep on keeping on...as I was told early on in this surrogacy journey by another IP...you just have to keep your eyes on the prize...and that's what I continue to tell myself...I try not to stress over the ultrasounds anymore...or the updates...it is all beyond my control....me stressing does not help anything...the only problem is if Im not stressing I feel disconnected....at least when Im stressing it feels real.....and right now...I just can't get it to seem real...Im still to scared to breathe...I guess I can hold my breath until about 29 weeks along...can't be that hard, right?
Hey Renee! Thanks so much for the lovely comments. You're right, us very special moms have an unmatched inner strength which we are forced to display long before we get to hold our babies in our arms. YOU are an amazing woman and I'm praying for healthy safe delivery well beyond 29 weeks... not that there's anything wrong with 29 weekers, but seriously, who needs that stress;)xo
ReplyDeleteHang in there babe, I still think about the all the miscarriages I had before surrogacy, broken promises from adoption and permanent care, but the surrogacy miscarrage is still an open scar, as are all the embryos that were so hard to grow and so precious, It still makes me mad but I have no one to blame, pain is part of life it just shocks us sometimes and we feel compelled to protect ourselves by alienating ourselves and even our love ones to protect them from the pain also. I think of all the surrogates and how they feel too with all the negatives and the miscarriage, I feel so responsible for their well being, we can't control mother nature, protect ourselves or others from pain and it's so damn frustrating and upsetting. Love ya hon! There are always people who take for granted having children yet maybe we take for granted other things like our lifestyles our family, health and being physically abled. Oh and for you personally, your gorgeous smile, big heart, contagious sense of humour, kindness and beautiful hair and skin, just to name a few!!!! Thinking of you always xxxx
ReplyDeleteSorry to hear this. I hope you're ok. I love the phrase "just keep on keeping on" how useful for all of us. I'm holding my breath for the next 5.5 months, I just pray this time is yours and ours x Sr
ReplyDeleteI am sorry to hear your news!!! i hope that the next mths go very smooth and your prize is waiting for you!!
ReplyDeleteI dont think this surrocacy journey can be done with out stress from the day you start emtional and financial
comments are part of the journey!!
Each journey and story very different to the next!!
Thinking of you
best wishes
lisa
keep on keeping on, one thing about this journey is no one can predict it.
ReplyDeleteIt took us 5 surrogates and 18embryos....we have everything crossed for you guys and are praying for a safe and healthy baby.
It is hard not to have an expectation of it working and when it doesn't it is so hard due to so many reasons and impacts. I wished it had of worked for your family.
ReplyDeleteThere are so many amazing women here in the blogosphere and you are definitely one of them.
ReplyDelete