Well...another big fat negative...just throw that into the pile with all of the rest....you got it...out of 5 embryos thawed...4 survived for transfer...but still...a negative...have you ever stopped and added up all of the embryos?? Geez...10 total from me...have used 9 from donor...what as the layperson non infertility person sees as 19 babies in reality equals one miscarriage...one ongoing singleton pregnancy that has yet to reach the 2nd trimester and several big fat negatives along the way...plus a whole lot of heartache and money..(not to mention 20 extra pounds!!) but, we just keep on keeping on...that's all we can do...I think about Bernadette...of everything she has went through...of everything she is going through...how does she do it? How does she stay strong?? How does she keep the faith? She like the rest of us do it because that's what we all have to do to reach our goal; we have no other choice unless it is to remain childless...no, we can't get drunk and knocked up in the back seat of a car like the majority of unwed teenage mothers in our state...but, you know, just in case, maybe we should give it a whirl, who knows? Miracles still happen, right? Seriously, we do this because it's the hand we've been dealt and we will do whatever it takes to achieve our goal...no matter how expensive, no matter how much it drains us emotionally..no matter the toil it takes on our everyday lives and the rest of our family dynamics...we just keep on keeping on...as I was told early on in this surrogacy journey by another IP...you just have to keep your eyes on the prize...and that's what I continue to tell myself...I try not to stress over the ultrasounds anymore...or the updates...it is all beyond my control....me stressing does not help anything...the only problem is if Im not stressing I feel disconnected....at least when Im stressing it feels real.....and right now...I just can't get it to seem real...Im still to scared to breathe...I guess I can hold my breath until about 29 weeks along...can't be that hard, right?