decisions....

Waiting on our appointment in Jackson...wish it would hurry up and get here...I am most anxious to get his opinion on things...hopefully he will agree to start the stimulation process here....who knows? He may recommend freezing the embryos and shipping....either way, I won't know until august....still taking vitamins...feel more like my normal self now...whatever that is....I'm just ready to get this show on the road.....i feel like my life is on hold until we get through this.....

Now What???

Now to figure out our next move. Definately going to try again...but, how? Spoke with our RE in Houston; he does not recommend frozen embryos..says it will decrease our odds by 60%...if you only have a 20% chance to begin with and then decrease it by 60%......doesn't sound too good...so, I guess I will be going back to India....earliest would be in August....this time I will definately start the cycle in the usa...that would decrease my time in India to a week or less....now, the question is...do I start my cycle in Houston with the RE I know (that would mean spending 3 weeks away from my kids again, ugh...) or do we take a chance and try a new RE in Jackson which would mean that I could start my stim from home and only be gone from my kids for a week...but, that is dependent on if the guy in Jackson will agree to work with the indian doctors....decisions...I still want to know why I only had 4 eggs...my RE in Houston brought up a good point..he said that if my ovaries were so heavy they were kissing they were full of eggs at that point...so, it comes down to poor technique vs early release of eggs....I believe that I released my eggs early and there were only 4 left...I guess I will never know but Dr. Chauhan did make me feel better...he encouraged us not to give up and that we had a good chance for success....my medication protocol just needed to be tweaked....Dr. Chauhan is my RE in Houston (he also happens to be from Inda and speaks 3 languages-he would have no problems communicating with the dr's in India; that is definately a plus!!!!)  Anyway, we will keep our eyes on the prize and try to not let our setbacks pull us down. We are taking our vitamins and trying to devise a plan....at least we have a little time to think....Rene'

BFN (Big Fat Negative)

Received disappointing results this morning. Our surrogate is not pregnant. beta numbers 4.96. (0-4 is not pregnant). They will recheck numbers tomorrow but medically this is not a viable pregnancy. Numbers should have been much higher (at least triple digits I would think)...so had possibly a chemical pregnancy at some point...ugh....this was not totally unexpected but as we have no frozen embryos this really hurts...will have to regroup and proceed with plan b....whatever that is.....of course, although sad, I'm starting to get angry and that is never good for anyone or anything that gets in my way....this is a  setback but I am not ready to give up.....we will get through this....dr says i have to give my body 6 weeks to heal and by law India does not allow re-entry soon that 2 mths from last departure...so that gives me time to get a plan together....also, this last ivf was not totally in vain...we learned some things...1) we make great quality embryos (just not many) and I would rather have a few great quality than a truckload of crappy, 2) I need high dose stimulation from day one, 3) my trigger shot may need to be adjusted, 4) some things just don't come easy to everybody.....so, guess I better get busy emailing our doctor and coming up with a plan b...till next time...Rene'

2WW

For those of you that don't know we are in the 2WW (two week wait)...some like to call it (PUPO-pregnant untill proven otherwise!) It is killing me!!! This is so out of my control and I am not handling it well......our first hurdle is monday or tuesday....we will learn if the pregnancy test is positive or negative.....if positive, then the next hurdle will be the beta numbers multiplying and increasing at a steady rate...then the next hurdle will be the ultrasound to reveal a heartbeat...it is common in ivf pregnancies to have just empty sacs without a hearbeat.....not trying to be pessimistic but must try to remain realistic....if the pregnancy test is negative, looks like it will be back to shots and hormones for me and another trip to india....so, we will prepare for the worst and hope for the best.....please keep the prayers coming.....we welcome all thoughts and prayers...till next time....rene'

time to catch up

Sorry I haven't posted in awhile but I have been under the weather and jet lagged.....but at least we are finally at home!!!  Ok, to catch you up to date. Last Thursday we went to clinic and learned that 3 out of 4 eggs fertilized. (woo hoo!). And best of all they were all grade A quality. That is the best score they could have. Things are looking good so far. They did not recommend putting two in one and just one in another surrogate. They recommended placing all in one surrogate for optimum results. Looking at it from a medical standpoint we went with the advice of the professionals. I must say, the doctors were enthusiastic about 3 grade A embryos; they were all smiles and advised we had a good chance for success. That helped my feelings...I had been a little down since the egg retrieval...I had expected many more egss....Last  Tuesday they spoke like we would likely be repeating the retrieval and that they wanted that done asap with lots of testing on me (yuck!!). Apparently, I'm not getting any younger......India doesn't allow any one from the usa to re-enter before a two month time period....I would have to wait 6 weeks anyway for my body to heal before another IVF protocol could be initiated.  We did not meet the surrogate...we just know that she is young (approx 20-22 years old..i can't remember exact...has a 2 year old child and apparently an awesome uterus!!!).  Personally, I like it better like this...I need limited information as I am waaaay too obsessive!!! She is a little talller and weighs a little more than me (which is good;  Gene weighed 10 pounds and both my kids were approx 8 pounds each). We saw a picture of her and she is pretty (I know that doesn't matter, but you know, just wanted to throw that in there!!). Also, to note while we were at the clinic a group of surrogates came in laughing and smiling; all obvious pregnant and happy. They were approx 20-30 years old and all looked very happy and content. That made me feel good to see the friendships and contentment they displayed. Our surrogate will have a pregnancy test on the 27th so we should know if we have a "chemical" pregnancy by the day after that. You are told not to get excited until they make it until 12 weeks...apparently there is a high miscarriage rate in "test tube" babies....often the pregnancy test is positive but the ultrasound shows an empty sac of nothing without a heartbeat...But, we will just have to take it one day at a time and for now be happy with the fact that we possibly have 3 babies forming....they did send us pictures of the embryos and it is amazing that those few cells are a baby....or at least potentially a baby....they have to adhere in the uterus and get nourishment to grow.....we still have a long way to go but are definately on our way!!! It has definately been an adventure so far!!!

still waiting

today we just hung out in the room and convalesced; i was still under the weather...Gene is a little better...I am more whiny, achy and constipated....we leave tomorrow night and I have not had any action from the 10 pericolace i've taken....i hope i don't blow over international waters!!! You know the airplane bathroom is not for me!!!!  I dread the flight home....we go in the morning to see if any of our eggs fertilized...keep your fingers crossed and say a prayer...we will likely only have enough for one surrogate but it just takes one, right? The first leg of our adventure is drawing to a close...I miss my babies at home....I wish they could have come! I think it would have been a great experience for them....just to see the poverty and the homeless children begging for money and food....make them appreciate their lives more....I know it makes me appreciate mine and makes me thankful for what I do have....till tomorrow..rene and gene

egg retrieval

Had the egg retrieval yesterday.....ok until back at hotel...I really thought it just be like a few period cramps....more painful that I anticipated....took the tylenol they gave and that did help but only lasted about two hours...my stomach is so swollen i look 5 months pregnant....although i had about 15 follicles they only retrieved 4 eggs total...and they have no answers for as to why....said the others were empty....we will find out thursday how many fertilized....odds are, there will be another egg retrieval in our future....i spoke with another couple that they gave 10% odds to and they retrieved 17 immature eggs from her; 7 mature with 5 of those fertilizing...they placed all 5 in one surrogate and resulted in one live birth and they are waiting to take her back to england...she was born in march and they still don't have the paperwork ready yet (feel bad about griping that it will take us 3 weeks to get back to us with baby)....hopefully we have 4 babies growing in a petri dish right now...we will convalesce today...Gene has pulled a muscle in his shoulder/back and is competing with me for nurturing and attention. Too bad I'm the only one here to give it to him!! He is on Ibuprofen and I'm on Tylenol and we are going to take to the bed to get well....don't worry, he can still work the remote, lol.....FYI, if anyone has an egg retrieval schedule I would bring a pair of those girdle panties, I think they would be great right now for support...and if you come to India, bring Febreze and lysol, I'm just saying......Gene has still not received his proof for attending the CME last week but I assure you, he has followed up on it...I think he is about to resort to email....that will at least help our travel expenses for tax purposes...better go now...time to rest....